Life Without the Monsters

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

2010-02-22T14:37:00.001-08:00

I am reading a fabulous book that some of you might be interested in. Here's the link to the author's website: http://rebeccaskloot.com/the-immortal-life/. Since my family is sick of hearing me talk about it, I thought I'd try you all!

When I taught high school biology we did a unit on cell division. Every year I would order "HeLa cells" from a biological supply house. They were cheap! My students would process and stain them and then look at the chromosomes under the microscope. It was way cool!! All I knew was the cells came from a woman named Henrietta Lacks who died of cervical cancer in 1951. Her cells have been dividing in culture ever since.

Little did I know the whole story of Henrietta and her family. She never knew her cells were taken. Her family never knew. And yet they have been used in some of the world's most important scientific breakthroughs - the polio vaccine, for example. Billions of dollars have been made, yet Henrietta's family got nothing. Her name is unknown - she is buried in an unmarked grave. This book is about racism, ethics, poverty, scandal, and scientific discovery. And it reads like a novel - fascinating!!

Let me know what you think!!

What's Your Justin Bieber?

2010-02-18T19:55:00.000-08:00

My daughter sent me this youtube link - you have to watch it first (click on it) and then come back to read this.

3 Year old crying over Justin Bieber

Was that hilarious or what? I'll admit part of me was thinking OK, enough already - this child is too upset!! But I kept watching anyway :) If you stopped watching before the phone rings, you need to go finish it! It's the funniest part.

In seminars I talk about the importance of developing emotional maturity. That only comes from really getting in touch with the way you think. We all watch that little girl and realize how silly it is that she would even think that she loves Justin Bieber. But in her mind it's real. She'll continue to grown and learn and she won't be having that same emotional tantrum as she gets older. Of course as adults we don't have temper tantrums anymore........... or do we????

Adult tantrums tend to manifest themselves in other ways besides screaming and crying (although that does happen!) They show up in actions like sarcasm, the silent treatment, eye rolling, huffing, slamming doors, etc. etc. I'm sure you would never do any of these! I, however, have been know to slam the occasional door. When I do any of these it reminds me that I haven't learned another way to cope.

The plan in life is that we will mature in our thinking and our emotional responses. But we still all have those occasional Justin Biebers - things that seems so real in our minds until we take time to learn and maybe think differently. So......... what's your Justin Bieber?

The Christmas Tree in the Corner

2010-02-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

My Christmas tree is still up. There, I said it. It's out in the open. Everyone knows. My husband Tim and I began joking about it the second week of January. It became less funny the end of January. An embarrassment the first of February!

Then something interesting happened. Tim said, "I dare you to leave it up all year!" I was like yeah, right! I don't do dares! Then he said, "We should leave it up as a symbol - a symbol of our commitment to work on what's important in our lives right now." Hmm.

When I'm not traveling I work at home, and every time I would start to take down that silly tree I would be interrupted by a phone call or something that required my attention - something truly important to our lives. I would get sooo frustrated. Tim's comment reminded me of Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey's 3rd habit is Put First Things First - put time into what's important to you.

To be successful at anything in life - whether it's cooking, scrapbooking, going back to college, writing that book or starting a business - we have to make time for it. But most of us, including me, let other things get in the way. We think taking the Christmas tree down must be done. I mean, come on - what would people think if they came to my house and my tree was up!!! Don't so much care anymore.

So who's with me on this? Here's the challenge: What is a goal of yours that you don't have time for? Why aren't you working on it? Now pick a symbol - something you aren't going to do in order to work on that goal. Use that symbol as a reminder that you have choices each and every day. Post your symbol here and let's support each other on this. I dare you to do something even more bold than leaving your Christmas tree up all year!

2009-11-06T05:59:00.000-08:00

What Women Want
Well...... I have been out of touch for a while. As many of you know my husband and I have started a new branch of our business - Band Angels. You can learn more on our facebook page, www.facebook.com/bandangels, or the website, www.bandangels.net. There are certainly seasons in life, and the past few months has been Band Angels season!!

So... back to the issue of happiness I wrote about several months ago. Have you seen the Time magazine article on the State of American Women? According to the latest study:

"...as women have gained more freedom, more education and more economic power, they have become less happy."

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this!! I am currently working on my PhD, and I am fairly certain my research will center around women's happiness. As you read the article, think about things like:

What does happiness mean to you?
What brings you happiness?
What makes you unhappy?
Why do you think women in general seem to be more unhappy than ever despite such advances in equality, etc?

Let's start some great conversations!!

If you can't say something nice.....

2009-08-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

Remember Thumper the rabbit from Disney’s Bambi? Other than the obvious upsetting part, I love that movie! Every once in a while I think about Thumper and his mother’s reminder: If you can’t say something nice don’t say nothing at all!

I was listening to someone speak the other day and thinking gosh, he’s not very interesting! And then I said that thought out loud to my husband and realized that’s not very nice of me!

I am not perfect. And I just hate that! In fact I mess up more than I do good ☹
I hope I’m not the only one! So here’s what I notice:

• Sometimes I’m just not nice!
• Sometimes I’m a worrier
• Sometimes I’m harsh
• Sometimes I’m judgemental
• Sometimes I’m impatient
• Sometimes I’m sarcastic (my kids would say, “Ya think!”)

Hmm. That sounds bad. I really try, and sometimes I’m super impressed with my niceness, faith, acceptance, patience, kind words, etc.! Then I think I’ve got it all together, but as it turns out it doesn’t last forever.

So what do I do? Well, I just keep trying. I was walking my doggies yesterday and I had an epiphany. Actually I’ve known it for a long time. I write about it. I teach about it. And I try to live it. But yesterday I felt it more than ever. And it is this: All of those things could be better if I will do one thing – shut my big mouth! When I say something nasty, then it becomes real. If I will just stop for a moment and think about it then maybe I can change my mind.

Yes, that’s it – I want to change my mind and keep always trying to do what I know is right. I’m sure I will be tested again before the day is out!

Update: Just read this verse - thought it applied!
... People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at a person's thoughts and intentions. 1 Samuel 16:7

Antidepressants - to use or not to use???

2009-08-04T13:41:00.000-07:00

This morning Fox News reported on research released this week regarding the use of antidepressants. Before I give my opinion, I have to make something very clear. I grew up with anxiety disorder, panic attacks and depression. In 1995 I spent time in a mental hospital when I was unable to cope with life. I took antidepressants and minor tranquilizers for several years – I know they can change lives! So, if you are experiencing mental turmoil and need help, please see someone. I am not a doctor and I would never want to lead anyone to believe that taking medication is a bad thing. However…….

Here’s what the study said. More than 164 million prescriptions were written for antidepressants in 2008, and 27 million people are taking them. Now, for women, since we are twice as likely to suffer from depression and most types of anxiety, that translates into about 18 million women! Researchers also said that the study participants were also more likely to take antipsychotic drugs and less likely to receive psychotherapy.

So what’s the problem here? I mean, after all, doesn’t this just mean that finally more people are getting the help they need? Now we can finally become a happier nation? Not so much. According to Dr. Eric Caine of the University of Rochester in New York "Antidepressants are only moderately effective on population level.” He also said there is no research to support that we are healthier and that some studies show that therapy is just as or more effective than medication alone.

Recently I was teaching a seminar on emotions, and began discussing this issue. A young woman raised her hand and told a powerful story. She went to see her doctor for a medical problem. She happened to mention that she was going through a divorce. He pulled out his prescription pad and said, “Here, you’re going to need this.” He wrote her a prescription for Zoloft.

Here’s what I know. When I was anxious and depressed, all I wanted was to be “normal,” to be “happy” like everyone else. I had such high hopes that my pill would do that for me. What it did was to lift me out of the pits of depression, but I still wasn't happy. They were never intended to make us happy! They are meant to treat a condition. So if you need medication, by all means take it. But then go one step further. At least evaluate if there are other choices you need to make.

I feel so strongly about this that I recorded an audio series entitled Discovering Happiness in a Stressful World. I have decided that I will seek peace, happiness, and freedom from anxiety and depression. I have decided that for me it is a process – a lifestyle. I still have bad days – most of us do. But I have decided I will continue to learn and fill myself up with biblical principles, books, seminars, people – whatever it takes to keep me sane! That is my approach. What is yours?

Camp With Your Family... Really!

2009-07-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

Every year for 9 years now we have taken our family to Florida for vacation. We do Disney and Universal Studios mostly, and it’s always lots of fun! By then end of the week I am usually ready to be home. This year’s vacation was different. This year my husband Tim and I took the kids to Montana to camp for a week. Yes… camp. Yes… in a tent! And, no, I was not ready to come home.

Before we went we had some concerns: All 5 of us in one tent? No shower? One potty for the entire camp (and not a flushing potty)? No computers? No microwave? These all became non-issues the first night.

As we got into our tent with out flashlights on, Tim said, “Turn the lights off.” I, of course, asked why. “Trust me,” he said. So we turned them off and stood there for a few minutes in complete darkness. Finally he stepped out of the tent and called for us to come out. I walked out first, looked up, and screamed! The kids thought there was a bear or something. Then they came out – they didn’t scream, but they did gasp! What was it? Stars. Simply stars like we have never seen them before. The Milky Way – it was breathtaking.

And while we were taking in their beauty we were soothed by the sound of the river. Each night we were lulled to sleep by its quiet roar, and each day we were delighted by discoveries of its coolness, slippery rocks, and slimy fish. Yes, Tim and the kids caught them and we cooked them – right over the open fire. It was awesome!! We even cooked eggs, bacon and pancakes most mornings right there on the fire!

You learn a lot about your family when you spend 24/7 together for a week. I learned about Tim’s relaxed fly fisherman personality. I learned that my 20 year old son Jamie is tireless, even when he and I hiked 6 miles up a mountain! Lindsey, my 19 year old daughter, can indeed survive without makeup! And my youngest Michael (17) really does care if his hair isn’t clean and his teeth aren’t brushed – who knew!

We all need time to get away from "everyday life." It rejuvenates us and reminds us how amazing this world really is! So, camp with your family or friends! It’s cheap (and who doesn’t need that right now), and you’ll make memories you could never make any other way!

Essentials for Women....... Seriously?????

2009-07-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

So I was looking at some old pictures yesterday - I forgot I had this one. My husband and I were in California last July and we went into a pharmacy. As we were walking by the counter this display caught my eye. I asked if I could take a picture - they thought I was a little weird but let me.

Just in case you can't see it all, let me run down the items considered "essential" for women:

Tylenol
Pain reliever
Deep wrinkle serum
KY Jelly
Aquibeads (another version of KY???)
Viactive
Monistat (again.... seriously??)
Motrin (actually, I admit this one is sort of essential for me!)

OK, one more time..... SERIOUSLY??? What do these people think of women? That we are always in pain, have old wrinkly skin, and... well, it's really hard to write about some of the other underlying messages sent from this cute little display :) I would LOVE to hear what you think about this!

Michael Jackson's worth

2009-07-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my first blog!! This is a very exciting day for me – one my son has been pushing me toward for at least a year. Today we watched the Michael Jackson memorial service, and I thought this is something I should blog about! So I am.

I grew up listening to Michael Jackson, and I love his music – he was very talented. I can’t even recall too much about all the trouble he has been in over the years. What I paid attention to today were the comments from his friends and family. Sometimes I instruct seminar participants to write their own epitaph – what would they want on their tombstone. A better question is what will people say at your funeral?

Let’s go even deeper. Why do you want to be loved? What makes you important? Where should your self worth come from? This question is so intriguing to me that I began a PhD program just to check it out!

So, here it is – here’s what I’ve been noticing. We are living in a world that tells us that we should gain value from living a stressful life. This is especially true for women. I have been speaking to women’s groups around the world for several years now, and I see this trend everywhere I go. We don’t know where our self-worth should come from. Is it from being a good mom or wife? Is it from work? I see women getting value from their stress. We compete with one another for how stressed we are!

How do you know if you are getting self-worth from stress? Here’s one quick little test. Let’s say your friend tells you, “Wow! Today I had the most relaxing day. I went shopping and saw a movie – all by myself.” If you reply, “Must be nice!” or anything like it you may be getting value from your stress!

Maybe Michael Jackson got his self-worth from his talent. Maybe he got it from the causes he supported. Or maybe it was from his relationships with friends and family. Who knows. Where do you get yours? I will have SO much more to say about this as time goes by. Stay tuned……….

Welcome to my blog!

2009-07-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!

Welcome to my new blog, Life Without the Monsters.

Monsters are self-imposed barriers that hinder personal growth and success. We all have them. The secret is to figure out what yours is. In the coming weeks, look out for new posts on the most common Monsters that effect women like perfectionism, guilt, worry, and out of control emotions.

I'm looking forward to chatting with you,

Best,

Tami